Inner flight

I am a conflict avoiding being who is gratified by observing and sharing in the happiness and enjoyment of others. This makes me a mostly flexible, adaptable, and compromising human.

When doing or making something, it becomes an extension of myself through the time, energy, care, and consideration, I have invested.

When met with dissatisfaction, derision or causing disharmony, I find it challenging to observe and step back from the emotive facial expressions, behaviours, and vocalised response of others whose opinion I value.

With a tendency to catastrophize, I may misread visual and audible cues leading to automatic assumption of fault, guilt, blame and shame.

Words and expressions pierce my consciousness like arrows. The protruding shafts remain exposed to be flicked and kicked.

At my most vulnerable, my only recourse is to close down; repressing the emotions causing them to compress, churn, and pulsate in my chest and head.

Amidst the inner turmoil, thoughts do not combine into coherent wholes. There is an incapacity for the clarity of articulation to be able to respond, discuss or even graciously accept responsibility.

It takes time to release the pent up energy. Lingering tension throbs throughout my brain. There is a sense of unreality amidst flat feelings, lethargy, and fatigue.

Eventually my psyche absorbs the hurt, enabling me to move on.

Almost Christmas

Thursday evening, time to rest from the struggles and strains of the day. A position of relaxation or exhaustion? You can never really tell from his facial expression.

Faithfully, annually, midway through the second week of December, he emerges from his glittery hibernation. To be dusted off, plumped up and positioned on a shelf.

A gift from Angela, dinner-lady-cook, over two decades ago, I wonder how she fares. In the land of Brexiteers and discontent, I often wonder how many former colleagues fare.


Many a time, as a child, did I lie
Back aground gazing up high to the sky.
Dinosaurs, elephants; continents too
Drifting so slowly ‘gainst heavenly blue.
So long did I stay that time slipped away;
No troubles here; wish forever to stay.

For life in the moment, gone is the past.
Being present; the way to make life last.
Knowing and accepting myself is key
For me to connect with humanity.
Around me life’s lived at dizzying pace,
It’s challenging to find a quiet space.

I savour life’s many wonders; behold
Life shines bright when embraced, try to be bold.
All, it seemed lay outside when I was small.
Now, I know place to look’s inside us all.
Oft times I ponder the future, a dream
Of what could be; borne upon a moon beam.

(c) Robert Jones 2014, All Rights Reserved

Moment of stillness

Two buses go past as I wait for the green man to appear.

There are two people loitering near the stop. There’s no sign of the express service in the crawling metal convoy before me. I decide to take the train.

I walk briskly towards the railway station. There is usually an ant like line of pedestrians along this route, not today.

I notice the purple green leaves of a ginger in bloom.

As I near my destination I see yellow and silver carriages setting off to the city.

I smile to myself, at least I have captured a moment of morning stillness.

Blue sky moment

Brief conversation over breakfast this morning while my partner was watching a video clip of Packer fighting on the weekend. The exchange went like this:
“Oh it was the Packer son who was fighting. ”
“Yes James Packer, the father’s dead. ”
“He’s looking old!”

Malibu Martini Moment

Celebrate good times, come on! It is Tuesday, two Malibu Martinis, I’m in a warm and fuzzy memory loop. On this day 16 years ago the temperature at Birmingham International Airport was a chilly 6oC. We had spent the previous week getting our apartment ready to be rented out fully furnished and hosting a family day and a kitchen clearing party. Friends and family rummaged through our drawers and cupboards sadly filling carrier bags. We were greeted in departures by our close friends and too many tears.

KLM had a special offer on its business class flights, we had 96kg of checked in luggage plus double the 18kg hand luggage allowance. As we were moving to the other side of the world we took full advantage of the deal – camera bags, handbags, umbrellas, coats, briefcases, boxes of chocolates and yes, hats with corks; 12 pieces of cabin baggage each.

The expression on the face of the of the check-in staff was priceless, as you can imagine they did not know anything about the the offer so promptly took a copy of the KLM notification we had received. It was a challenge to relinquish our trolley before clearing passport control, thankfully the lounge had plenty of storage.

The other passengers did not have much carry on baggage and the cabin crew saw the funny side of our gargantuan predicament, they assisted us onboard, up the stairs and stowed our personal belongings. On this flight we were travelling light, the furniture, pictures and objet d’arts had left the UK two weeks earlier with Pickfords.

Cheers chink, clink here’s to 30oC in Singapore.

Overcoming gravity

I have spent the last three weeks enjoying catching up with friends and family, chilling on the deck, walking Stan and bobbing around in the pool. What a shock I had this morning when I enthusiastically suggested going to the gym. The gravitational pull of the earth seems to have increased ten-fold.

I was exhausted after five minutes, persisting with my cardio workout on the cross trainer for another twenty was doubly challenging when consciously staying in the moment. This is definitely a time to let your mind wander and unconsciously let the minutes fly by.

I was thrilled yesterday to be able to capture this image of a lorikeet in a nearby bottlebrush tree, they deal with gravity with dignity and grace, I have a lot to learn

Magical moment

On the cool side of the house
Set in shaded red brick wall,
Leaded window latched open.
The frame’s edges softened by
Layer on layer of paint.
Antique glass distorts the view,
Hostas nod gently beneath.
Heavenly smells escape as
Freshly baked bread and pastries
Sit cooling upon the sill.