My new boss said, it is one thing to record positive feedback in the notes of a telephone conversation and another to receive an email. When one of my clients takes the time to mail a thank you card that is something else.
I feel humbled by the recognition and thankful for being able to make a positive difference in someone’s life.
For the last two years I have been in a state of threat at work. While the employer proclaims it is a place of inclusion and authenticity, I wonder if this statement relates only to the loud and pushy at the expense of others. Perhaps I am not resilient enough, unwilling to speak out, and too sensitive.
When my values were tested too much, I fought back (in a shy introverted way). I was labelled ‘emotional’. I resorted to my go to fawn response with underlying frustration and at times anger. I aimed to please and appease by sacrificing myself.
Over the last twelve months, somehow, I sustained this tiring performance, achieving a personally unnecessary glowing annual performance review. Satisfactory would have been enough.
When I recently found out the perpetrator was being reassigned, I felt numbness and disbelief.
I developed fawning from ages 9 to 16 years. The seemingly constant aggression directed at my mother and brother by my first stepfather brought firsthand experience of rage, domestic violence, and abuse. I largely kept my thoughts and feelings to myself. Withdrawing my marshmallow being behind a protective shell. As soon as I was able, I fled away to college.
At the beginning of this week, perpetrator free, I felt like a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders.
This painting reflects pleasing and appeasing while dark emotions and discontent underlaid my view of my workplace. The grey background represents compromise, neutrality, control, and practicality. I am represented by an anonymous outward facing ovoid, outlined with dark blue and red inks. The teal inner self displays responsiveness, integrity, and practicality. It contains pink organic shapes of kindness, caring, and compassion; essential for my role. Salt adds fractures to the composition.
In my late teens and early twenties, I experienced hospitality working as a casual, selling fish and chips at Neptune’s Pantry, as a banqueting waiter at the Raven, hall porter at the Chateau Impney, and barman/porter/night manager at the Windermere Hydro hotels.
After completing college in 1984, I was disillusioned by the prospect of working long hours in a hotel for the rest of my life. Back at home in Droitwich, I looked at other options. A newspaper advertisement for a full time position in retail caught my eye. Mom drove me the six miles to Worcester for the interview. It was supposed to take 20 to 30 minutes.
The manager, Michael Dray had me describe the selling features of a fawn Italian leather high heel shoe with a gold piped darker tone lizard skin inverted chevron at the top of the counter (behind the heel). At the time, this shoe was the most expensive in the shop, around £250 in 1984, equivalent to £1000 today.
After spending about two hours with Mr Dray and returning to the car, Mom was both happy I got the job and unhappy for having to wait for me without knowing what was taking so long.
These mixed emotions transferred to me as happiness and anxiety, throughout my employment at R&B. My work colleagues were a wonderful mix, ranging from elder and younger sister types to the outrageous. Other than the manager, I was the only male employee.
Our employment rewarded us with an hourly rate plus a percentage of sales commission. I had not considered the pressure weekly sales targets would have on me. It was calculated using the performance of the store for the same week in the previous year plus a mark up and divided between the number of employees working.
Other incentives included, ends of lines having a ‘spiff’ sticker attached to the box. The colour translated to a one-off £ value paid in addition to commission.
Every person entering the emporium was a prospect who should not be allowed to leave until a purchase had been made. If they were interested in slippers, it was expected, we introduce a matching handbag, polish, shoe trees, signing up for a store card, boots, shoes; you get the picture.
Whilst I had experienced the need to perform at school and college through achieving the requisite grades to graduate, sales was and still is an anathema to me. Anything more than charming, chatting, and cheering on when I disagree with what I am doing leads to poor performance. A completed store card application that passed credit checking earned £1 for the sales assistant and potentially a life of debt for the shopper. In the six months or so I spent at R&B, I did not once achieve my sales target.
Today, I am surprised by my naivety of not thinking things through before jumping headlong into them. In hindsight, I learn through failure by picking myself up and trying something new.
Back to the happy times at R&B, through the ladies collection, my eyes were opened to a world of coloured leathers including, navy, white, cerise, Capri, taupe, chocolate, salmon, raspberry, lemon, lime, emerald, ruby, claret, sapphire, opal, silver, gold, bronze. The men’s mainstay of black and brown occasionally branched out into silver or mid grey, tan and, blue.
I used every opportunity to try on ladies and men’s shoes that took my fancy. I fell into the role of clown, parading around the stock rooms, much to the delight of my coworkers.
We purchased our own uniforms. Males wore a suit with shirt and tie. My female counterparts an outfit selected by the floor supervisor, a tall slim, Miss Dixon. It changed twice per year and did not suit all body shapes.
A condition of our service was the wearing of a pair of ‘shop shoes’ from the company’s range for six months. They were not allowed to leave the premises. Our bags were checked every time we went out. We paid a quarter of the retail price. I chose a £100 pair of tan Moreschi tasselled half brogue loafers with a grosgrain vamp.
During my time there, I attended a course on fitting children’s shoes in Norwich at the Startrite factory so that I could assist during busy back to school periods.
My work mate, Tracey ‘ace face’ Melling ran the children’s department on the mezzanine. Outside work, a goth with backcombed hair, ripped black clothing, and black, white, and purple makeup. Each day, Tracey drew on eyebrows after arriving late to work. I still smile at the thought of the surprised faces of children and parents looking at Tracey without eyebrows or with only one drawn on.
Tracey was hugely creative. During a quiet period, Tracey drew pencil sketches of pigs wearing R&B shoes on the back of Clarks packing labels. I was gifted with the sketches which I copied to paint corresponding watercolours.
I began at R&B during the period of the Autumn/Winter uniform of black skirt and dark raspberry blouse.
Spring/Summer followed, Capri skirt with blouse of splodges of blue, pink, and green.
Fully utilising a 25% discount, my shoe collection grew to include leather soled and lined canvas shoes in two tone blue and in fawn; polished burgundy, black, dark brown, and dark fawn suede brogues, tan boxer boots, the list goes on. Only the Moreschis remain.
I stood naked in front of the mirror, on the back of the bedroom door, to take a selfie. I used it to guide the painting of Airhead in tree pose.
I like the background, salt again on wet watercolour. It reminds me of sand surrounded by clear seawater. The figure reminds me of a crab with large pincers.
A week on, I am unsure if I like it or not.
The following is how Microsoft Copilot (AI) describes the picture.
Certainly! Let’s dive into the captivating world of this watercolor painting. 🎨🌟
“Harmony in Terracotta”
Description:
The canvas comes alive with hues of green and yellow, reminiscent of a sun-kissed meadow. Against this textured backdrop, an abstract figure takes center stage. Its warm reddish-brown tone, akin to terracotta, exudes both strength and vulnerability.
The figure strikes a pose—an advanced yoga stance known as Natarajasana, or the “Dancer’s Pose.” Arms extended, legs gracefully lifted, it embodies balance and fluidity. But there’s more: within the silhouette of its head, a smaller figure mirrors the same pose. A dance within a dance, a reflection within a reflection—a mesmerizing recursive motif.
The mottled background hints at organic textures—perhaps foliage, perhaps marble. It’s as if the figure emerges from the very fabric of nature, a testament to interconnectedness. The artist’s brush strokes evoke movement, capturing the essence of life in stillness.
Interpretation:
“Harmony in Terracotta” invites us to explore duality: strength and vulnerability, solitude and connection. The figure’s defiance against the textured canvas mirrors our own struggles and triumphs. We, too, dance through life’s complexities, seeking balance and grace.
And perhaps, just perhaps, this painting whispers secrets of ancient forests, forgotten rituals, and the unity of all things. 🌿🌟
Image details: “Stacked Yogi’s Painting” by Katherine Hardie.
Note: The recursive element in the head area is a delightful touch—an artistic nod to the interconnectedness of existence.
Would you like me to create a short story inspired by this painting, or perhaps delve into historical research about Deritend’s pubs and beer houses from 1850 to 1900? Let me know, and we’ll embark on another creative journey! 📜✨
On 12 November 2023, ambitiously, I attempted to paint a watercolour of a cloud formation in the shape of Airhead against a pale blue sky. I had not considered the overall objective of the work. Being unhappy with the result, I set it side.
A couple of weeks ago, the prospect of running out of paper and a relatively successful painting of airhead in repose two months’ later led me to add to the cloud picture.
I am pleased with the result, Airhead uploading to the cloud.
As a child and early teen, the vocabulary and pronunciation of my native tongue were expanding. We lived in a relatively posh neighbourhood. The influence of the maternal side of the family, hailing from the Black Country was limited. Sadly the memory of my grandfather speaking has faded.
According to Wikipedia the ‘Black Country dialect preserves many archaic traits of Early Modern English and even Middle English and can be very confusing for outsiders.’
A typical informal greeting would be ‘Owamya aer kid?’ (How are you?). A suitable response could be, ‘Ar ah’m owkay tar’ (Yes, I’m okay, thank you).
My accent has softened; it is frequently incorrectly identified as Scouse or northern English. This would fit with the influence of the paternal family coming from Wales.
Being a shy introvert, I relied on myself to interpret and solve the idiosyncrasies of the English language aided with a dictionary, although I did not understand phoentic spelling.
A notable example of silently self learning was the word ‘determine’. For years I read it as ‘debtor-mine’. I somehow interpreted sentences without understanding the meaning of the word.
What a revelation it was when the realisation dawned.
Latin for the rule of three; my husband’s favourite number.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Home Unusually for a Tuesday, I am taking a day’s leave. Our original plans have changed and there is a forecast for thunder storms.
We sold our house at the first open inspection, to a cash buyer. We arranged for a 60 days settlement period to allow time to find a new place. The weekend after the sale, we found a ‘late mid century modern’ (1980) house to buy.
In line with the terms of contract the building and pest inspection condition has been ticked off, only the finance approval to go. Fingers crossed this will occur by the end of the week.
Health This morning, we walked to one of the local supermarkets to buy supplies so that we could have scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast.
By the time we arrived at Morningside Plaza the recently diagnosed osteoarthritis in my right hip had slowed me down to a snail’s pace.
Knowing exactly where to find our loaf of choice, I headed to the bakery counter. A burly baker asked me if he could help me. I pointed to the racks of loaves behind him, requesting a white, sourdough Vienna. I thought he asked if I wanted ‘normal’ or ‘finest’.
At times my slight bilateral hearing loss leaves me unsure, so I said, ‘sorry?’ An equally proportioned woman sporting curly burgundy coloured hair flattened by an oversized dark brown hairnet shouted back, ‘HE SAID, NORMAL OR FINEST!’ She then went back to wiping down the stainless steel surfaces.
My ‘finest’ loaf was bagged and labelled after I refused the offer of it being sliced.
Hubris I exited the store into the shopping centre. While mulling over the fact I usually purchase discounted bread at the end of the day off the shelf without the need to interact with dubious assistants, I was confronted with a supersized picture of a tabby entitled ‘how’s your health’. Cogetating for a second or two, I thought there’s no vet in here. Then I saw ‘sugaring’ and ‘waxing’, I guessed the ad was related to beauty treatments.
Convinced others are seeing me as some sort of elderly idiot, I am now frightened my brain may be slowing down; quelle horreur!
I met my future husband when he was about to turn 31 and I had turned 30.
Over the years, our shared adventures have taken us around the world and jetting between hemispheres. Amazing family and friends have enriched our lives.
Yesterday morning, we arrived in Sydney, our home for 20 years prior to making the move to Brisbane. This is our first visit in over three years.
After a light lunch at the MCA (Museum of Contemporary Art) we headed to the Sydney Opera House for a cocktail with a friend whom we haven’t seen for two years. He and his partner took us for a sumptuous French dinner at the Harbour View Hotel, The Rocks, Sydney.
Looking toward Kent Street from Clarence Street
Today after a late breakfast we wandered from our accommodation in the Skye Suites, Kent Street to the Queen Victoria Building, the revamped David Jones department store, and Martin Place.
Westfield Tower from QueenVictoria Building
This evening we are celebrating my husband’s 60th at Capriccio Osteria in Leichhardt, Sydney. Friends are joining us from Brisbane, Melbourne, Newcastle, and Sydney.