A large antique rose hued ovoid defines my 61+ years’ past. Subtle changes occur as new wafer-thin memories settle in layers, one upon another.
Arrogance, discourtesy, and challenging behaviours of others incessantly stain the past. In time, angry bruises fade to blotches, finally morphing into smirches and dots.
Emotions, beliefs, and self-recriminations jostle in gentle stewing ere burgeoning into recollections, reminders, remembrances.
Silent brain-wringing turmoil.
Above an etheric pale grey-blue future floats – seemingly innocuous – yet ominously waiting.
A paper-white, irregular circle pierces both rose and blue: authenticity within the calm of the present.
I considered presenting a blank sheet. After all how do you paint something unseen? Weightlessness came to mind, such a heavy word to describe something ethereal; unseen, lighter than a feather.
My imaginings are viewed through a water element induced feelings lens. Increasingly with age, earthbound gravity anchors me as I am dragged along the ground like a hot air balloon basket being divested of collected paraphernalia. It doesn’t seem to matter how much is discarded I just can’t seem to get my carcass of the earth.
Both versions of the abstract watercolour are posted here.
The first feels heavy, constrained, forced, and overworked.
I am happier with second version.
I was aiming for:
Purple for spirit, and I believe, evolved thought
Yellow for the air element, in my view also sunny hope filled optimism
Blue resonates for me as free limitless sky high thinking
While white space represents light and calm
A decade or two ago, I was fascinated by people who read a book while completing gym based cardiovascular training. In contrast, I felt like I was soaring as I listened to dance music. The beats, sounds, and crescendoing voices motivating my body to pump and work harder to lift me higher and higher.
Nowadays, finding the music in the gym too loud, I can’t be bothered to try to compete with my earbuds. Dialling up the volume sets off my tinnitus. I can complete forty minutes’ exercise in the aerobic heartbeat zone while reading a book on my phone. It works on the reclined bike, elliptical trainer, and treadmill.
This morning, I awoke with a start. In my sleep, I dreamt of staying in a house with a pool. It had been snowing, the pool appeared to be frozen.
I hobbled outside to test my weight on the ice. Of course it was thin, sinking into remarkably warm water, I swam around, fully clothed.
At length, I emerged and returned to the house. The dripping wet silver grey tracky dacks seemed to have dried, no squelching was observed.
In the kitchen diner, people who appeared familiar were busying themselves in assembling a fruit platter to accompany hot beverages.
My mother stood in the living room folding clean washing. ‘These are yours, Rob’, she said, indicating white socks with orange heels and toes.
After undressing, I stood in front of two wardrobes, the right was assigned to my brother. The left contained pressed, white cotton, long sleeved shirts on wooden hangers. Below three lidded boxes lay on their sides.
Whilst pulling the left one out, a memory flashed through my mind. I had spent $8k+ on three pairs of shoes. It was a buy now pay later deal. What will my husband say when I tell him? The cost would have to be covered from the proceeds of the house sale!
Feeling guilty, I gingerly, removed the white lid. Inside nestled a pair of highly polished, walnut coloured, round toed loafers. The soles extended about 5 mm all around. Disconcertedly noting no tissue paper protected them from scuffing in the box, I removed the shoe tree and put on the left one. The softest most comfortable Italian leather enveloped my foot.
A price sticker inside the right advertised $2399.99. I held my breath as I carefully put them away. A red sale sticker, I had not previously noticed, declared ‘reduced $1499.99’, not so bad, gulp.
The middle graphite box contained boxer style boots in old master sky blue, kid leather with graphite laces.
In the spa this (Saturday) evening, the 38oC temperature and the Campari spritz loosened my thoughts.
Voicing them, I related my reliving teenage memories of listening to Funny Girl on vinyl borrowed from the Birmingham (UK) Central Library through listening to the soundtrack on Spotify during my journey to work this week.
Funny girl is a stage and movie musical from the late 1960s based on the life of Fanny Brice. Brice is played by Barbra Streisand, one of my teenage idols.
I am platonically attracted to strong females.
In an instant, I remembered, I also love the Neil Diamond, Jazz Singer soundtrack. I have never seen the movie.
My husband said ‘he wears a blue sequin jacket in that’. ‘No’, I replied.
Sure enough you can buy one from The Jacket Shop, Reenactment Clothing for $419.98 USD and it’s in stock!
Aside from the Streisand and Diamond duet of ‘You don’t bring me flowers’ that never happened, apparently delivered to the World by a radio DJ, all mixing.
I prefer to keep my teen years where they belong as memories.
theINFP 