On Monday morning, I awoke remembering a conversation I was having with a girl, the top of whose skull had been removed leaving the exposed brain covered with a layer of soil. There were flowers growing out of the soil.
I had been chatting with her about my physical limitations, coming to the conclusion my reduced capacity rendered me next to useless. I wonder what if anything the dream means.
During a trip to Bunnings at lunchtime on the same day, I realised my incapacity.
I had forgotten all about being able to take a midday dose of paracetamol for osteoarthritis.
The walk from the car park to the entrance, right to the garden section, left to the trade desk and centre to pay rendered my right leg stiff and barely at a shuffling pace. It had been so long since visiting this hardware superstore, I had not even considered the distances involved.
After knocking over a small display of liquid fertiliser bottles with the trolley, I was attempting to steer, I avoided looking at peoples faces.
Thankfully my husband managed logistics by moving a lawnmower, two 65 Lt. bags of potting compost, and a 4m length of cable ducting onto two trolleys and in and out of the car.
Spanning decades, fear’s icy ectoplasm shocks my heart. Destination scene’s known as lucid dream materialises, only the route varies.
Deep within a dwelling, an unobtrusive timber shuttered room. A postern door opens to an unremarkable tree crammed yard. Overgrown spiky, entangled stems, ramble. Daylight barely penetrates the gloom. A sodden carpet of mildewed leaves, twigs and decay smother the ground.
Heady damp earth scent permeates my being as unseen hands claw, scrape, shovel, revealing a petrified hatch.
Dark downward sloping subterranean passage snakes forks, twists. Roughly hewn stone echoes footsteps, breath, rustle of clothing. Stepfather’s flaccid luminescent presence lumbers alongside.
Ever further trudging through the sordid depths. Always aware of being followed, no sight nor sound. At last, cavernous space reveals an ovoid mound. Knowing it’s secret, I turn to leave the cadaver, never will she make thirteen.
If I am not guilty of wrongdoing, why the anxiety of being found out?
Reflecting while writing; perhaps this is the resting place of my innocence and suppressed femininity.
Dreaming last night, I walked through a door into a white painted room. I noticed an ABBA Studios sign on the left hand wall. Turning to look at the sign I realised band members, Björn, Benny, Frida and Agnetha were sitting casually underneath on separate pieces of furniture. While retrieving a mobile phone from my right hip pocket, so that I could take a picture, the artists moved away.
In my mind I could hear the haunting sound of a flute playing the track, Eagle. This song has been with me for almost 40 years, being one of my favourites on ABBA: The Album, released in the UK in 1978. Listening to Eagle always gives flight to the endless possibilities available to me, through my thoughts. The story of my connection with this album is described in Thank you for the music.
Artwork information from Wikipedia
Polar’s official cover featured an entirely white background, and is the basis for current CD versions. However, Epic Records’ original UK release of the LP featured a blue background on the front cover, fading to white at the bottom. It also featured a gatefold sleeve. The back cover was altered, incorporating a similar photo of ABBA to that used elsewhere in the world for the inner sleeve, and referencing tracks included in ABBA: The Movie. The inner gatefold was designed to look like an air mail envelope, similar to the style later used for Gracias Por La Música and even had a photo of ABBA incorporated into a stamp in the corner.
Many a time, as a child, did I lie
Back aground gazing up high to the sky.
Dinosaurs, elephants; continents too
Drifting so slowly ‘gainst heavenly blue.
So long did I stay that time slipped away;
No troubles here; wish forever to stay.
For life in the moment, gone is the past.
Being present; the way to make life last.
Knowing and accepting myself is key
For me to connect with humanity.
Around me life’s lived at dizzying pace,
It’s challenging to find a quiet space.
I savour life’s many wonders; behold
Life shines bright when embraced, try to be bold.
All, it seemed lay outside when I was small.
Now, I know place to look’s inside us all.
Oft times I ponder the future, a dream
Of what could be; borne upon a moon beam.
Body beautiful is all in the mind,
Years seem like moments, everything feels new,
Secrets of life known by more than a few,
Wonders occur when planets are aligned,
It costed nothing for all to be kind,
Lies are an anathema, all is true,
Man can appreciate plant adorned dew,
Love conquers all when our hearts are entwined,
The perfect house by the sea does exist,
There is far more to life than what’s on show,
There’s time enough to do the bucket list,
Gold can be found, each end of the rainbow,
Spending time together should not be missed,
Earth will again shine with heavenly glow.
A ball of energy forms deep within my being. As the beat and richness of the music rises and falls the power within me expands and contracts. When the track reaches a crescendo a feeling of exhilaration moves up through my body until there is an outward surge of power. The faster the tempo, the harder I work out. This set me up for the day ahead.