Another epiphany in the shower!
I recently realised, when I like someone, I subconsciously raise them up in my esteem. Filling in the gaps in my knowledge of them with vague beliefs and assumptions.
For example, in talking to a personable acquaintance the other day, they told me they were building their self confidence so that they could teach. I was introduced to them at a dinner about two years ago. At the time and since, I have enjoyed their bright personality and cheerful disposition; reading in self assurance.
Reflecting on my presumption of their strengths, I realised how little I knew of them. Their pedestal and place on it was almost entirely a figment of my imagination.
It should come as no surprise, I am sometimes disappointed by others. I am expecting them to fill the roles of fictitious characters on the journey of my life.
Similarly I read reciprocal admiration into relationships. My importance in the life of another is not as significant as the ideal; tearing my heart, ever so slightly.
7 thoughts on “Pedestal-ism”
Interesting to read, as someone on the other side of the fence LOL! In my 20s and 30s I have experienced meeting people who seemed to like me and seemed very interested to know me better, only for them to lose interest a few meetings later. I feel like they realised I’m not as interesting/beneficial as they thought initially, or they overestimated me in some way, etc. I’m now an introvert haha and don’t make friends easily, and have even been thought of as aloof. But I’m just hesitant to socialise or talk much because I don’t want to give an impression that I’m more interesting than I am, only to disappoint other people again and get hurt again. Silly and overthinking, but oh well.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I also find it challenging to maintain meaningful relationships. The people who get you for who you are, will be the keepers. The thought of going to parties where I did not know anyone filled me with anxiety. A result of shyness, being an introvert, and self belief of being unworthy. These threw up a barrier to me being open and authentic. My friendships have developed over time. Finding a common interest and doing things together that deepens the relationship. Persistence pays off. If there is no connection move on to someone else.
I love your introspection as a result of the epiphany during your said showering. You have come a long way towards being an ever more mature person. Thank you for informing me of your latest pearl of wisdom.
Here is a multimedia reward from SoundEagle to cheer you and your partner up during this long Easter weekend at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2015/04/11/easter-in-modern-multimedia-perspective/
The said post has been extended and updated. Please enjoy!
NFP’s are idealists and see with rose colored glasses. Hard to not be disillusioned. There was a comic strip that described my experience in a sixty year marriage. The first picture was of a bride and groom dancing and both thinking, “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.” In the second, they are both thinking, “They aren’t quite as wonderful as I thought they were.” In the third, each is thinking, “They will have to change.” In the fourth it’s both of them realizing that the other isn’t going to change and they will have to accept them as they are. In the final section, one is sitting next to the other’s grave thinking,” You were the best thing that every happened to me.” I think this describes life’s journey for us dreamers. And I believe it’s the purpose of life.
Thank you, Eileen 😊. My husband is NFJ, he often feels let down. Although in his case it is because others have acted or not without knowing his expectations.
I think there ought to be waterproof notepads for the shower so when the Muses visit to wash our backs and fill our minds there is paper and pen handy. I always enjoy your musings, wet or otherwise.
A good idea, thank you, kind sir 😊