I was going to write that I’d been thinking for a while it feels like we’re in a holding pattern. Being in limbo, on the way to something, somewhere.
Today I realised, pondering on an unknown future takes me away from enjoying the present. Where we are now, so much to celebrate.
It’s not the first time this has happened. Previously, shortly after turning fifty, I was checking out retirement living.
Another thought occurred to me while showering: Is it foolish to accept a nagging want to not grow old, opening a world of risk?
Conscious over indulgence leading to an early death.
Avoiding enjoyment in the present, in case, prematurely, the reaper calls. Disappointment in the extreme to embrace life when death comes knocking!
Beneath bright golden veneer of respectability;
Strong sense of black and white, right and wrong.
Consistently, calmly, controlling, checks and balances.
Within an organised mind of professional standing;
Team player, relationship builder, extraordinaire.
Seriously, delivering on goals for stakeholders, all.
Now and then, chink appears.
Mischievous smile, reveals;
The darkness shining through.
When memories stir,
Confused feelings occur.
Of a time gone by;
Thoughts of emotions, running high.
Attached to people and things:
Two chairs; a desk; a book of secrets sings;
Remonstrations falling on deaf ears.
The screams inside that nobody hears,
Due to naivety, self delusion and grief.
Nothing seems to bring relief,
A spiralling descent away from light.
No energy to fight nor for flight.
Time and life have healed the blight.
Knowing and accepting myself, day and night,
And my partner’s love and support,
During battles waged and darkness fought.
This amaryllis has narrower petals and a dark red colour compared with the Jarrett Street example.
Past coolest shadows of darkest black
A hallway beckons
Green hues resplendent in morning light
Cold stark towers of truth
Bear down on unwary.
Eyes downcast, mind elsewhere,
Moving forward somewhere,
About their busy ness,
Against wind, sunshine, rain;
Gloom pervading pain.
The autumn chill creeps
Slowly into shadows
And evenings come earlier.
Bright daytime stars
Remind me of what was
And is to come.
Miniature roses, Sydney, Australia
A moment forward
Hasn’t happened yet
A moment backwards
May as well forget
Takes life’s chances
He who succeeds
Living in the now
Releases my strife
Being strong somehow
By accepting life
(c) Robert Jones 2014, All Rights Reserved
I have been struggling with this month’s Bloggers for Peace challenge, which is one of the reasons it is nearing the end of April as I complete this post.
All I can offer are my opinions which are not based on my childhood experience of anger, sexism, racism and abuse due to my step father’s narrow minded and twisted view of life. I believed everything I was told, it was not until I moved from home that I discovered there was so much more to life than tv game shows, compulsive gambling and domestic violence. Thank goodness my mother escaped from the years of hell she endured for the sake of us kids.
The dark swan is not evil because of its colour, just as the dark shadow of youth within me is not evil. Both have the ability to be free.
Something of my inner child remains hiding deep inside. It surfaces in moments of playfulness and delight. I believe that children need love and care combined with exposure to as broad as possible points of view, information, people and attitudes. Guardians need to be available to answer their questions and to help them find their own way through the maze of stereotypes and punitive attitudes society will throw in their way.
Enable the children to find freedom and peace where it exists for them.
Good guys and bad guy – teaching my children about peace
B4peace how do we raise children to be peaceful
Out and about at 13
Bloggers for Peace website