Soft, drowning, slipping; darkness
Of heavy lidded slumber
Creeping up to steal the light.
Eyes closed, relaxing in to
Drowsy, down plunging, black hole.
Loosing, grip, realness, draining.
Mirtanza warning; ‘may cause,
Drowsiness and may increase
The effects of alcohol.
If affected, do not drive
A motor vehicle or
Operate heavy machinery. ’
encouragement and kinship; life’s gifts
passing; mortality’s reminder
laughter foretime, subsequent silence
heart-strung connections, now memories
warm reminiscing; cold light of day
Spanning decades, fear’s icy ectoplasm shocks my heart. Destination scene’s known as lucid dream materialises, only the route varies.
Deep within a dwelling, an unobtrusive timber shuttered room. A postern door opens to an unremarkable tree crammed yard. Overgrown spiky, entangled stems, ramble. Daylight barely penetrates the gloom. A sodden carpet of mildewed leaves, twigs and decay smother the ground.
Heady damp earth scent permeates my being as unseen hands claw, scrape, shovel, revealing a petrified hatch.
Dark downward sloping subterranean passage snakes forks, twists. Roughly hewn stone echoes footsteps, breath, rustle of clothing. Stepfather’s flaccid luminescent presence lumbers alongside.
Ever further trudging through the sordid depths. Always aware of being followed, no sight nor sound. At last, cavernous space reveals an ovoid mound. Knowing it’s secret, I turn to leave the cadaver, never will she make thirteen.
If I am not guilty of wrongdoing, why the anxiety of being found out?
Reflecting while writing; perhaps this is the resting place of my innocence and suppressed femininity.
Bored dismissive scrolling.
Seditious libel pollutes.
Venomous assumptions flash.
Searing discontent morphs into
Dank depression to distort reality.
Ego aimlessly destructing self
In malicious derision.
Rank regret rots,
Withering to hopelessness.
Despair pervades, to numbness.
Listless countenance portrays
Unreadable amassed barriers.
A carcass weighed down with
Stubborn contrition, shame, guilt,
Misguided pride; inner derision.
Short lived thoughts of rebellion
Come to naught.
Sitting in the garden, gazing at the seemingly erratic flight of a black- white splodged butterfly, I thought, self indulgently, I don’t spend enough time creating!
A glance at the pictures on my phone presented a shot of last night’s Netflix movie on pause. Taken through a gold banded champagne flute.
2067, an Australian dystopian tale of synthetic oxygen sickness and time travel, delivered perfectly.
Much digital wizardry; manipulating perspective, colour and tone, yielded a satisfactory image, herewith posted.
I was going to write that I’d been thinking for a while it feels like we’re in a holding pattern. Being in limbo, on the way to something, somewhere.
Today I realised, pondering on an unknown future takes me away from enjoying the present. Where we are now, so much to celebrate.
It’s not the first time this has happened. Previously, shortly after turning fifty, I was checking out retirement living.
Another thought occurred to me while showering: Is it foolish to accept a nagging want to not grow old, opening a world of risk?
Conscious over indulgence leading to an early death.
Avoiding enjoyment in the present, in case, prematurely, the reaper calls. Disappointment in the extreme to embrace life when death comes knocking!
Beneath bright golden veneer of respectability;
Strong sense of black and white, right and wrong.
Consistently, calmly, controlling, checks and balances.
Within an organised mind of professional standing;
Team player, relationship builder, extraordinaire.
Seriously, delivering on goals for stakeholders, all.
Now and then, chink appears.
Mischievous smile, reveals;
The darkness shining through.
When memories stir,
Confused feelings occur.
Of a time gone by;
Thoughts of emotions, running high.
Attached to people and things:
Two chairs; a desk; a book of secrets sings;
Remonstrations falling on deaf ears.
The screams inside that nobody hears,
Due to naivety, self delusion and grief.
Nothing seems to bring relief,
A spiralling descent away from light.
No energy to fight nor for flight.
Time and life have healed the blight.
Knowing and accepting myself, day and night,
And my partner’s love and support,
During battles waged and darkness fought.
This amaryllis has narrower petals and a dark red colour compared with the Jarrett Street example.
Past coolest shadows of darkest black
A hallway beckons
Green hues resplendent in morning light
theINFP 