Dichotomy of being creative

Order – disorder
I’m a contradiction! My mind works in a seemingly disorganised way; thoughts come and go, they may or not connect with each other. In contrast when writing my electronic journal I know that it’s unnecessary to order tags yet I conscientiously do so.

Similarly I read the same notices and signs over and over again, day after day – a behaviour that seems to border on being obsessive-compulsive. Perhaps it’s a hangover from my school days when my name, class and date had to be written in a certain way, in a particular place on a page.

Creative constraint
I find creating things a challenge because I have difficulty letting myself go. I work according to many self imposed rules – colouring within the lines! Having said this I don’t possess the accuracy or patience needed for technical drawing or graphic design.

I exist in a state of limbo where nothing I create is quite good enough. As you can imagine self doubt and not being able to live up to my self imposed standards knocks my self confidence.
As I don’t have the benefit of self approval, I seek feedback from others. I know from experience that I don’t react well to negative criticism, what a predicament!